So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
