people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
