I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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