if we break up, who will get the dealer?
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
