I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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