Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
