So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
