how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
