yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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