I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize
