just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
