All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
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