Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Got a toothbrush?
Welp...herpes.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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