My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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