I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
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