Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Randomize
