good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
