what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Randomize
