I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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