I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
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