she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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