oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What a dumb baby whore.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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