All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
What did we do last night that was yellow?
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
