i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
