no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Randomize
