im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Randomize
