Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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