Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
dude. I can hear the air.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
