I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Randomize
