Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
