i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
