he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
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Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
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No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
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