She is in my trunk
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
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I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
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I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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