I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
