it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
