Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Randomize
