Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I will pee on everything he values.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
