My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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