Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
