Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
wanna go halves on a baby?
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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