what if every blade of grass was a penis?
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
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