Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
i think i have herpe
just one?
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Randomize
