I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
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