somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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