i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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