I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Randomize
