I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
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