Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Randomize
