the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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