if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
