she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
