tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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