It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize