Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Randomize