there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
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I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
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There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
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