I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
