I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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