Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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