I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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