Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
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