I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
