i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
