I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I skipped work to stalk him.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Randomize
