Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
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The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
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I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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