if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Randomize
